The NEW Richard III

______ ______INT. A MEAD HALL IN MEDIEVAL ENGLAND

______ The merry court of HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND.

______ Enter LORD STANLEY and RICHARD III.

______ ______ ______ LORD STANLEY
______ ______ ______(introducing RICHARD III)
______ ______ Your Majesty, the Pretender.

______ ______ ______ RICHARD III
______ ______ _How wrong thou speakest, assface.

______ ______ ______ HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND
______ ______ _What seekest thou, bag of douche?

______ ______ ______ RICHARD III
______ ______ _Forsooth, thou who wouldst of thine
______ ______ _own father a cuckold make, I thence
______ ______ _me here to rap.

_____________________ HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND
______ ______ _First mindest thy tongue, then on
______ ______ _with it gettest.

_____________________ RICHARD III
______ ______ _Thou art, and no mistake, a man
______ ______ _possessed of not one asshole, but a
______ ______ _multitude thereof; and moreover,
______ ______ _grapevines have it that they each
______ ______ _and every one abetteth thee in
______ ______ _thine interloping of my 'hood.

_____________________ EARL OF OXFORD
______ ______ _What of it, dung-addled?

_____________________ HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND
______ ______ _Hold! He speaketh unto me.

_____________________ RICHARD III
______ ______ _Aye, and verily too. Indeed,
______ ______ _methinks thou wouldst pretend,
______ ______ _presume, pre-empt thyself — and
______ ______ _this company of those who do most
______ ______ _assuredly sup upon John Thomases —
______ ______ _unto my very crib!

_____________________ HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND
_______________Enough!

______ He advanceth upon RICHARD III.

_____________________ HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND (CONT'D.)
__________________ (reciting, as if a spell)
______ ______ _A cap in thine ass shall poppèd be,
______ ______ _when next we meet, and worried be
______ ______ _thine underlings, to see thee fall,
______ ______ _who hail from Sodom, one and all.
______ ______ _With glee shall I unbloom thy rose,
______ ______ _and unto me collect thy hos.
______ ______ _So mark me well! and bide thy time!
______ ______ _till by me rendered bones and slime.
______ ______ _Begone!

_____________________ RICHARD III
______ ______ _Be thou fed upon dung! I am away.

______ Exit RICHARD.

_____________________ LORD STANLEY
______ ______ _Alas, we are diss'd!

_____________________ EARL OF OXFORD
______ ______ _What for this, o my king? Surely
______ ______ _we will not suffer yon sorry man
______ ______ _bitch-issued, wherewithal he hath
______ ______ _said, to get away?

_____________________ HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND
______ ______ _Nay, fear not; I spake not in haste
______ ______ _nor jest; neither took I the piss.
______ ______ _This very night shall his ass be
______ ______ _kickèd, and up shall his shit be
______ ______ _fuck'd, by this manly host here
______ ______ _about me.

______ ALL cheer.

_____________________ HENRY, EARL OF RICHMOND
______ ______ _To arms, dear friends! Let ye the
______ ______ _locking and also unto it the
______ ______ _loading be done! Mount up, and
______ ______ _gallop by vile Richard's posse, and
______ ______ _by so doing shall we waste him and
______ ______ _those thereabout, and be thus
______ ______ _avenged! To arms!

______ Exeunt, ALL cheering.

_________________________________HERE ENDETH THE SCENE.