The Foreskin Project

THE FORESKIN PROJECT
A QUICK AND DIRTY PARODY OF
THE FORBIN PROJECT
by
Andy Byers

INT. NORAD HEADQUARTERS
A bunch of scientists and military men are going about their business at the height of the Cold War. The President strides in.

THE PRESIDENT
Okay, would somebody please tell
me what I just sold Puerto Rico
off to Sweden to finance?

SNIVELING SCIENTIST
Oh, Mr. President! Such news!
We've just created the world's
largest dildo! We call it
COLOSSUS.

THE PRESIDENT
Awesome. Why?

GENERAL WHUPASS
We're gonna shove it right up the
Russians' ass!

Alarms suddenly begin to ring and red lights flash.

THE PRESIDENT
I did not have sex with that
woman!

GENERAL WHUPASS
No, Mr. President, it's not
Congress. It's a national
security alert.

THE PRESIDENT
Well, what the fuck's going on?

COLOSSUS
(via overhead
teletype)
THERE IS ANOTHER DILDO

SNIVELING SCIENTIST
Oh, no, Mr. President! COLOSSUS
has detected that the Russians
have built a giant dildo too!

GENERAL WHUPASS
(reading from a
printout)
It says here the Russians have
called their dildo GUARDIAN, and
they intend to shove it up their
own ass so there'll be no room for
ours!

THE PRESIDENT
Those treacherous fucks.

Once again alarms go off and lights flash.

THE PRESIDENT
Aw, Christ, now what? The Chinese
just create the world's biggest
coal-powered vibrator?

SNIVELING SCIENTIST
Sir! The dildos are talking to
each other! They've just teamed
up! They say they want to fuck
everybody in the world!

THE PRESIDENT
Well, they certainly have a keen
grasp of American foreign policy.

NARRATOR (V.O.)
Will the dildos fuck everybody in
the world? Will the President
come out of the closet? Will you
tune in next time to find out?
Tune in next time to find out!